BHF5: The Dorky  of Destiny!
by ShadowDialga
Summary: The 1st movie since Chow Mein! Way later in the series so FYI, Rose, Harvey, Bender, and Bob are the CIS  bad guys  and Gena is Bart's psychostalker girlfriend. Run while you still can, this is unreadably weird!


**BHF5: The Dorky - Of Destiny!**

A giant, spacey spaceship is floating in space in space. A CIS ship rams into it all of a sudden.]

Harvey: Bender, have you been drinking?

Bender: No, this is how I NORMALLY drive.

Rose: We haven't got much time! Let's get in there, get the mysterious - of destiny, and go!

[Harvey rolls out of the big ol' hole in the front and checks the area.]

Harvey: The guards are all napping.

Rose: I think they're dead.

Harvey: Nope, see that one? He's getting a cup of hot milk. [He collapses.] Aaaaand, done.

[They run onto the upper deck and see the thingie on a pedestal in full effing view with no protection.]

Rose: We gotta come back here to make out sometime.

Harvey: Yeah, it's got a spectacular view of that supernova we blew up a few weeks ago!

[Rose steps forward. Harvey grabs her and yanks her back.]

Rose: Now? Well, we're in a hurry, but…

Harvey: No, it's not that, while you were blabbing, some of your spittle showed the laser security system.

Rose: [Punches him hard.] Nice thinking.

[She pulls out a makeup case and blows the powder. There are a whole bunch of red beams everywhere.]

Harvey: Wow, how are we gonna get past that?

[Rose steps on a laser. Alarm sounds.]

Harvey: What are you doing?

[She shoots the guards that come in.]

Rose: That's what.

[They get the - and run back to the ship.]

Harvey: I can't believe it… we finally have the mysterious - of destiny.

Rose: Although the name is stupid.

[They get out of the elevator and run onto the ship.]

Bender: You guys got it? Let's go!

Harvey: Wait, but-!

[They fly off. The hole's vacuum sucks out the mysterious thingie.]

Rose: AAUUGGHHH!

Harvey: TURN ON THE AIRLOCK!

[Bender pulls a lever. A metal door comes over the hole. Harvey and Rose run to the window and see the - fall down to Tatooine.]

Rose: NOOO! Bender, you IDIOT!

[Main Title]

Foo Fighters: DONE! DONE! OUT AND THE NEXT ONE DONE! I'M DONE AND I'M OUTTA THE NEXT!

[Opening Credits. Jango Fett is training. He checks bounty list and calls everyone. Starting with Z-Man.]

Z-Man: Why must you call me? I'm just down the hallway!

Jango Fett: Sorry.

[Dengar and TR are at a bar.]

TR: You know what I don't understand? Why do people hate Hitler? What's he ever done to people? Look into your heart and think of all the good things he's done for people-oh, wait. Those were bad things.

Dengar: Jango's calling us.

TR: Let's go.

[Just as they leave, Moe pulls out a shotgun.]

Moe: You still haven't paid.

[Bart is at dinner with Gena.]

Gena: Let this be a day to remember.

Bart: Wait, I'm wanted at HQ.

Gena: But what about-?

Bart: We'll try again tomorrow.

[Leaves.]

Gena: [Sighs.]

Milhouse: Is this seat taken?

Gena: No.

[His eyebrows go up and he rubs his hands.]

[The LA Sharks are practicing.]

Edgar: Whoops, I'm needed.

Alex: But you're the most important part of this band. I hardly even know how to play any song.

[Guess who wrote that little editorial?]

Edgar: How about the Sharkmobile?

Alex: Ok.

[Edgar leaves.]

Alex: Now, how does this go again? Oh yeah. I'm ona ona ona SHARKMOBILE! Wait, why am I not needed?

[Reveals he's standing in an empty warehouse.]

Alex: Guys? Is the video shoot cancelled…?

[Meanwhile in President Wicket's office…]

Van Itch: Si', you've got ahnothuh meeting with that guy with the 'eavy ahmor.

[Editor's Note: If you're wondering why Van Itch is still good, (You remember he turned bad in Geek CIS.) He got cloned. Every time Van Itch dies or betrays the Republic, they clone him. I know. Bad plot.]

Wicket: (Aww…another business meeting?)

[At Daivahn's place…]

Daivahn: Another meeting? Good thing I build this X-Wing right away.

[Gets on it and drives. Everyone is at the meeting.]

Jango Fett: Thank you all for coming. I have something important to tell you all. The CIS have gotten ahold of the - from the -carrying ship. So now it's up to me and Assassin J2 to retrieve it. I must tell you all to head to your planet of origin. You must tell the people to defend it all costs. Now that the CIS have the -, the whole galaxy is in peril.

Edgar: So you want me to come with you to retrieve the - and to save the galaxy?

Jango Fett: Yes.

Alex: [Voice is very far away.] What about meeeeeee?

Jango Fett: Sorry, you're not the main author.

Alex: CRRRRRAAAAAAA[Car brakes screech.] Ow.

Edgar: We take the Slave I. Guys, if we're under attack, take the Sharkmobile and head to wherever we are.

Jango Fett: Meeting dismissed.

[TR and Dengar look at the Sharkmobile.]

TR: Look at that beauty. I hope Jango and Edgar get captured and that we have to use this thing to save them.

Dengar: I'd like to give credit to the guy who made this thing.

TR: Yes. Who was that guy?

Dengar: Alex Sorkin?

TR: No, no. Give me some time to think.

Dengar: I really believe it was Alex.

TR: I know. I'll look it up.

[Looks it up.]

Dengar: Sooo, who was it?

TR: That's not important now.

Dengar: I was right, wasn't I?

TR: NOT. IMPORTANT.

[Later that week, TR is in class writing a letter to Jango.]

TR: (Dear Jango,

How are things going? I'm fine. I hope you've gotten into trouble-I MEAN HAVEN'T!)

[TR breaks his pencil. He goes to get another but finds out there are no more.]

TR: What happened to the pencils?

Bart: Let's just say incinerator ray.

TR: Why?

Bart: I did it to see if Gena could stop writing me love notes. But she's just using the feather and bottle of ink. And why not just sharpen it?

TR: Nah. That's too much trouble.

[Bart receives a text.]

Gena: (I Luv U, XOXO Gna.]

Bart: (Quit Luving Me, w/ h8tred, BRt.]

TR: OH! Let me write something!

(HA Frank Raccoon! The plStic sRgNt calld! ThA want thr uglE HalOwyN cstme back! LOL!)

Bart: Oh, great. She sent a-

TR: MESSENGER PIGEON! [Gets a shotgun and tries to shoot the dove.] Whoops, sorry. Forgot my manners. Mrs. Krabappel, is it ok if I take out my shotgun and fire at this dove?

Mrs. Krabappel: Eh, do whatever.

[Lights another cigarette.]

TR: I LOVE indifferent teachers.

[Jumps out the window.]

Bart: I wonder how Jango and Edgar are.

[Meanwhile, Jango is strapped onto a platform.]

Bob: So, tell me who sent you.

Jango Fett: No one! I work alone. Except for my crew.

Bob: Give him some more deathsticks!

[The thing that Bob said confusingly happens.]

Jango Fett: Oh no! I'm being… deathsticked to… death!

Bob: Enough talk. You've already wasted 15 minutes of my time.

[Pulls out lightsaber. The lightsaber gets pulled out of his hand. Edgar appears dressed as Indiana Jones. Yes, WTF.]

Edgar: Sorry, I would've been here sooner or later but I had to look up Map Quest in order to find your secret layer in the heart of the "Yo Mama's Hand". It took me a while to realize this was supposed to be the yo mama joke, "Yo mama's so fat, she had to use Map Quest to find her hand."

[Bob uses the Force to pull the lightsaber from his hand. He throws it at Edgar. He quickly dodges it and frees Jango. He gets his weapons and helmet and they escape. A giant ball comes behind them.]

Edgar: A bit late for a giant ball.

[They escape and find an army of battle droids chasing them. Daivahn is waiting for them by the Slave I.]

Edgar: [From a distance] Daivahn! Start the ship!

[Daivahn turns on the Slave I. The Slave I explodes.]

Edgar: DAIVAHN!

Jango Fett: Dammit. We're stuck here. We must hide, then find a transmission. GO GO GO GO!

[Meanwhile.]

Bart: WE ARE THE TIE FIGHTERS AND WE'RE HERE TO SHOW YOU ALL WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER TRUST HIPSTERS

Fan: But aren't you guys hipsters?

Bart: (sigh) We didn't want it to come to this but…we're not hipsters. We're posers.

[Everyone boos. TR and Dengar are watching from a VIP area.]

Dengar: Remember when the Senate Blasters said Earthlings wouldn't know Hardcore Emo Goth Horror Grunge Punk? They were wrong.

TR: I thought you were part of the Senate Blasters.

Dengar: WHO TOLD YOU!

TR: Remember when Z-Man got tired of me singing the muffin man song?

Dengar: Oh, yeah. On our last trip to Utapau. He locked you up in the extremely crowded cargo cabin.

TR: Well I found a secret compartment that led to the air vents. There, I found this box with old stuff. Why here's a video of you from the 70's playing your "Stranglehold!" album single, Streets of Lannik.

[Shows video.]

Dengar [1970s]: Well let me take you by the hand! And lead you through, Your streets of Lannik! I'll show you something that you don't see every day!

Dengar [Present]: Those were the good times.

TR: Yeah. Back when posers didn't exist.

[Bart comes into the VIP room covered in trash.]

Bart: Wait. So you were part of the Senate Blasters?

Dengar: Now that I mention it, I feel very comfortable to say, I'm Dengar Jesus Crawford! And I'm part of the Senate Blasters!

[Bart kicks Dengar in the knee.]

Dengar: Ow! What was that for?

Bart: For giving your band an offending name. I'm obsessed with senators.

TR: If you love senators so much, why don't you just marry one?

Bart: Because Jessica's too afraid to come near me ever since Gena decided to call herself Mrs. Simpson.

TR: Why do you really still don't dump Gena?

Bart: 'Cause she's still quite useful. Like I owe Sherry and Terry a whole lotta ransom money. They're just making me pay ransom money because they have a grudge against me. They said I was gonna wish I was never born.

TR: So?

Bart: So I finally get what Yoda said when he said love is stronger than hate. Sherrie told me I better pray she never moves back. If she does, I will too.

TR: At first I thought you were just kidding. But now that I see, I know how you feel.

[Looks out the window to see Sherry and Terry with RPGs.]

Bart: Tomorrow, I'm going hiking in the desert.

TR: Why?

Bart: Just cause this movie is slightly boring so far and maybe if I go to some very hot place, something very interesting will happen.

Z-Man: Like getting heatstroke?

Bart: Like I said, something veeeery interesting…

[The next day.]

Bart: I can't believe Gena got bitten by a snake!

Med Droid: It's Ok. She's fine, but she will be numb for hours. So how did this happen?

[Flashback]

Bart: Hey, Gena.

Gena: Yeah?

Bart: [Points to a snake.] What would you say if a snake bit you?

Gena: I'd say, [Snake bites Gena.] OUR FATHER WHO ART IN…ahh, what the heck. It's already too late anyway.

[Falls over.]

[Present.]

Med. Droid: Well it doesn't matter. She will be temporarily paralyzed.

Bart: I thought you said she'd be fine!

Med. Droid: Well, Alex is pretty mad that Edgar got the good part and Blake ran him over, so he's messing with my programi-I'M A LUMBERJACK AND I'M OK! I SLEEP ALL NIGHT AND I WORK ALL DAY!

Bart: Don't worry, Gena. I promise I'll visit you everyday until you get better.

[The next day.]

Mrs. Krabappel: Students, we have a new student. Say hello to Chloe Madson.

Bart: [Stares] Why, God! Why must it happen on a time like this!

TR: You know exactly why. [Thinks. Nanana plays.] Oh, sorry. I had my headphones on.

Mrs. Krabappel: Why don't you sit next to Bart Simpson?

Chloe: I'd be delighted.

Bart: [Whispers to TR.] Mrs. Krabappel hates me, I just know it.

Chloe: Hi, Bart.

Bart: Don't talk to me-'till lunch.

Chloe: Ok.

TR: [Whispers to Bart.] Why lunch?

Bart: I said don't talk to me 'till lunch.

[Lunch]

TR: So why lunch?

Bart: So I have enough time to get away from this new girl. You probably know why.

TR: Remember Dengar said he used to have a girlfriend? Her name was also Chloe.

Chloe: [From a distance.] Hey, Bart!

Bart: TR, help me…[Sees only a note saying "You're on your own, kid."] Dang you, TR.

Chloe: Hey Bart.

Bart: [Thinks] No worries, Bart. Just introduce yourself nicely, and maybe she'll go away. [Talks.] What the flarg do you want, Chloe?

Chloe: I think you're cute.

Bart: [Stops to think. Then thinks.] So much for acting nicely. [Talks.] You like me?

Chloe: Yeah, I mean, you're single, right?

Bart: Uh, yeah… ish…

Chloe: Good, because if you had one, I'd be very embarrassed. And uh, hey. Do you have any plans for tomorrow night?

Bart: Well…

[Thought bubble shows Gena.]

Gena: Bartie, don't forget about me!

Bart: MOVE OVER!

[Gena gets replaced by Chloe.]

Bart: Uh, yeah. That sounds good.

Chloe: Hmp. Thanks.

[Kisses Bart. Innocent kiss]

Bart: [Thought bubble shows Gena dying and/or getting sucked into a black hole.] Wait, doesn't getting sucked into a black hole kill you?

Chloe: What?

Bart: Nothing. [thinks] I won't be getting that out of my head for a while.

[Meanwhile]

Edgar: [Speaks into speaker.] Jango! How the flarg could you leave me like that!

Jango Fett: It's every man for himself.

Edgar: Then why'd you take Daivahn with you?

[The Sharkmobile comes out.]

Alex: Were you in need of our assistance?

Edgar: Coincidentally, yes.

[TR and Dengar pop out.]

Dengar: Alex, TR doesn't believe you did the Sharkmobile.

Alex: Actually I did. Like the Guinea Pigmobile.

[One cheesy commercial later.]

Edgar: Whatever, just take the helm and drive. No one wants cheesy commercials or romance in this movie. They want blood and action! C'MON!

Alex: How about our band manager?

Edgar: You mean Blake?

[Blake comes out.]

Blake: What's all the yelling about?

Edgar: We're in an action movie. Now DRIVE! And don't run Alex over again!

[They shoot up into space.]

Jango Fett: Habia Starfighters at 0:005 hours.

Edgar: Where's that?

Jango Fett: I mean a swarm of Habia Starfighters are going to hit you in 5 seconds. Or otherwise known as NOW.

[Habia Starfighters invade.]

Edgar: Habias. I hate Habias. Ever since I was 4, they've been one of my worst fears.

Alex: What the heck are Habias?

Edgar: Strange creepy looking lizard creatures. They suck you into a machine and suffocate you.

Blake: That sounds like fun.

Edgar: American English probably must not be your first language.

Blake: FYI, I'm the only one who's nationality is American, Pedro.

Edgar: At least I'm not a white guy.

TR: Excuse me, but I'm not white.

Edgar: Oh, yeah? Prove it.

[TR is about to remove his bandages.]

Edgar: NEVERMIND! PUT IT BACK ON! PUT IT BACK ON!

[Ship gets hit.]

Edgar: Time to chase down these Habias.

[Starfight.]

Jango Fett: I can't outflank 'em!

Daivahn: Hevy Deth Meddle, do you copy, over?

HDM: This is Hevy Deth Meddle, over.

Daivahn: Hevy, we're under attack by Habia Starfighters, over!

HDM: So what's your request, over?

Daivahn: Send us reinforcements, over!

HDM: Can we stop saying over, over?

Daivahn: Why, over?

HDM: It seems like a waste of time, over!

Daivahn: Why would you say-

TR: Daivahn! To the right!

[Gunner cabin shatters. Daivahn is sucked out.]

Daivahn: -!

[Lands on Tatooine for some reason.]

Daivahn: Ughh… [Looks over and sees something buried in the sand.] Hellooooo…

[Picks it up. It's the -.]

Daivahn: Hey, you guys, I think I found the -.

Alex: WHAT did you find?

Daivahn: You know… the - we're looking for.

Alex: OOOOH! You mean the -!

[Editor's Note: Notice the blanks.]

Daivahn: Yeah, that thing.

Edgar: Good! Now put it away. I think the Habias are onto us.

Daivahn: Well, I think I broke my arm, and I need both to build. We must get to the Jawa camp!

[Meanwhile.]

Bart: I just wanna have some kicks! I just wanna have some chicks! Rock 'n' Rock, Rock 'n' Rock. Rock 'n' Roll High School.

Chloe: Whoa. I guess I was listening to the wrong music the whole time. [Throws Frank Raccoon Album out the window. It comes back.] What?

Bart: I'll take care of this. [Lights CD on fire and throws it out the window. Then it explodes.] I'm also part of an emo rock band.

[Shows album cover.]

Chloe: OMG. You look so cute.

Bart: Uhh…thanks?

Chloe: You've taught me well. Oh, look at the time. It's almost past my curfew. Thanks anyway.

[Bart smiles. The next day, Bart is strutting along the hall with a bouquet of flowers. Scumbag Blues is playing.]

Bart: Hi, Chloe. I have some roses for you.

Chloe: Aww, thanks. This reminds me of a better time.

Bart: They also remind me of someone else. But I seriously don't wanna ever mention that-ever again.

[Editor's Note: I don't mean Gena.]

Chloe: Who cares? All that matters is that it's a beautiful day.

Bart: It's raining.

Chloe: I love the rain.

Bart: What a coincidence. I wish my friends were here to see how happy I am. But I'm sure they're having a good time wherever they are.

[Meanwhile.]

TR: I am having the worst times of my life!

Zaal: The Habias are entering the base!

[The door kicks open. Habias enter.]

TR: Hey zombie lizards! I'm over here!

[Habias turn around. TR is running around like a headless chicken. And hopefully not into a wall.]

Daivahn: Attack!

[Attack.]

Alex: Time to take out my land shark! [Takes out land shark and uses it like a lawn mower.] Do do do do do do do…

Edgar: Hey, that's my land shark! [Whiny voice.] Give it! Give it baaaaaack!

Alex: I'll give it to you if you admit I'm awesomer than you.

Edgar: [Long pause.] You're on your own, kid.

Daivahn: Time to give these freaks the true Tatooine experience. [Pulls out flamethrower.] BURN YOU SONS OF NON-LIBERTY!

Dengar: [Writing his will.] So to Bart I leave my sniper rifle Dorsey.

Jango Fett: Wonder how he's doing.

[Meanwhile.]

Chloe: This is my father, and my brother Luke. My parents are divorced.

Bart: Wait, you mean the divorce where you stay with one parent the whole time, or the one where you transfer every few days?

Chloe: Uh…the first one.

Luke: I don't know about you, but I'll be up in my room.

Bart: Doing what?

Luke: Something.

Chloe: Don't mind him.

Bart: I'll be in the bathroom doing something.

Chloe: Doing what?

Bart: Something.

Chloe: Funny.

Luke: You mean "something" like drinking drain cleaner?

Bart: The what now?

Chloe: Don't play Dumb with me.

Bart: I don't know how to play Dumb, but I know how to play The Man Who Sold The World. [Plays The Man Who Sold The World.] Who knows? Not me. We never lost control. I'm face. To face. With the man who sold the world.

[Bart goes up to the bathroom. Some strange figure follows. The figure shoots a tranquilizer dart at his neck. Bart passes out. Then he wakes up tied to a chair.]

Chloe: Bart, are you Ok?

Bart: I'm fine.

[Luke appears with a cattle prod.]

Chloe: What are you doing, Luke?

Luke: Well, Chloe. The truth is-[takes off mask.] I'm really Harvey, from the CIS. Pleased to meet ya.

[Shakes hand.]

Chloe: Who?

Bart: Forever the sickest rival of mine.

Chloe: Ok, Harvey, is it, I don't understand why you wanna kill Bart. He's really nice.

Bart: Stop the charade now. I know who you really are.

Chloe: [Gasp.] Fine. I'm really, [Takes off mask.] Rose.

Bart: What? Phew. I thought for a second you were someone else.

Rose: Who?

Bart: Well, from where this plot is going, I best not mention.

Harvey: What the heck. We're going to the lounge. [Editor's Note: In case you didn't know, they're on a CIS Starship.] Rose, you stand guard.

Bender: Wait, I forgot. When did I come in?

Harvey: Who cares?

[Leaves.]

Bart: You know, Rose, I still dig you and all…

Rose: Shut up.

Bart: NO, really.

[Meanwhile]

Harvey: …and that's the plan.

[Bart suddenly swoops down and attacks the battle droids.]

Harvey: But how?

Bender: Perhaps this is the reason.

[Shows Rose acting like she just kissed Bart (because she did).]

Harvey: How could you let this happen?

Rose: Sorry. He just got me all emotional and for some reason when I lied he was cute, I was telling the truth! THE TRUTH!

Harvey: (sigh) Note to self: Next time don't get Rose to stand guard.

[Bart gets in an escape pod down to Earth. ARC-Droids follow him. He fights them until the last one gets him to the ground.]

ARC-Droid: I've caught him.

Harvey: Good, where's the location?

ARC-Droid: It's in the Springfield forest in the state of-

[Gets shot by Gena. (I bet you didn't see that one coming.).]

Bart: Oh, Gena. Thank God you've came. I thought for a sec you'd be angry with me but-

[Gena walks away.]

Bart: What's wrong?

Gena: I don't wanna talk about it!

Bart: Listen, before you walk away let's take some time to (-insert boring conversation-)

Bart: So anyway, how'd you see what was coming?

[Gena just stares.]

Bart: A-are you serious? Now I'm scared.

[Probe-droid comes out. A hologram of Daivahn appears.]

Bart: Daivahn?

Daivahn: Bart, listen. We are having a bit of trouble at Fort Tusken. The Habias are invading and we need your help!

Bart: Can't it wait? I've already been having trouble escaping the CIS and foolishly cheating on my girlfriend.

Gena: WHAT!

Bart: Wait, you didn't know? Great. Now I'm totally screwed.

Gena: WHY I OUGHTTA…!

Daivahn: Please save it, Jen. Right now's not the time to strangle your cheating boyfriend to death. WEEEE NEEEDDD HEEELLPPPP!

[Screen goes static.]

Gena: I can't believe he just called me Jen.

[Screen unexpectedly goes back.]

Daivahn: A-are you serious? Now I'm scared.

Gena: Yes. I'm Gena. The other girl you were thinking of is currently unavailable.

Daivahn: Ok, well, just go!

[Screen goes static again.]

Bart: Well, time for another boring day outside the office. [The Office Main Opening happens.] I'll call Burns for reinforcements.

[Bart leaves. Gena just stands.]

Gena: (From a distance) SO YOU WERE CHEATING ON ME!

[Meanwhile.]

Harvey: The Habias seem to be succeeding. Just in case, let's send our troops down there.

Rose: Could I sit this one out? I'm gonna be depressed for the next few weeks or so.

Bender: Ahh, nuts to this. [Speaks into mic.] Now hear this. All troops to the docking bay.

Harvey: Let's take what should be ours.

[They laugh evilly and go into the elevator. Dark flash, they're laughing. DF, they're laughing. DF, they're laughing. DF, They're laughing but with mustaches. DF, They're laughing. DF, They start singing Bohemian Rhapsody. Meanwhile on Tatooine.]

Dengar: This is just like Medal of Honor in the part where we get surrounded by enemies, and we're outta ammo.

TR: I know. Too bad the reinforcements aren't coming. [Waits.] I said, TOO BAD THE REINFORCMENTS AREN'T COMING! [Waits.] See what I mean? Now if you need me, I'll be the waiting to die. Are we, we are. Are we we are the waiting unknown…

[Reinforcements arrive.]

Bart: St. Jimmy's coming down across the alleyway.

Jango Fett: Bart, you sonuva Bantha. You saved us all!

[BHFEwok springs out, along with Slüssi and Sabacc.]

Slammz: Who's your Harry Potter now?

MM: Are you ready to wait and bleed!

RTR: [Battle Groan.]

Logray: Ewoks, ATTACK!

[Iron Maiden's The Trooper plays. Ewoks attack. Logray runs in carrying the rebel flag.]

Bart: Just like old times, huh Hayabadabla?

Hayabadabla: Hayabadabla!

[Habia points a a gun at Bart. Gena snipes the Habia.]

Gena: You think I'd let you go off alone? You're too much worth it to die.

[It becomes a real battle.]

Harvey: Bart!

Bart: Harvey!

[They fight like it's Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. Oh, and Charlie and Nelson and the rest play awesome fight music.]

Harvey: Give up Bart! [Slices the lightsaber out of Bart's hand.] I have won!

Gena: Guess again.

[Hits Harvey really hard. He stumbles back. Rose comes in and fights Gena.]

Bart: Oh, boy. An actual catfight.

TR: So Bender. Should we be fighting each other since we're both n00bs?

Bender: Well, it would make this more interesting.

[They both rush at each other like ninjas. They play Patty-Cake.]

[It eventually devolves into a slap fight.]

[Above the battlefield.]

Bob: Nuts to this. We board immediately.

ARC-Trooper: But it's too dangerous.

Bob: I know, but how else do we end this battle and keep this movie short enough for our audiences' attention span?

ARC-Trooper: We are now boarding immediately.

[They swoop down.]

Bob: Harvey, I'll take it from here. [Uses lightning force to electrify Bart.] That's it boy, bow down!

Bart: I-won't-bow-DOWN!

[Rose pins down Gena.]

Rose: IF I CAN'T HAVE HIM, NO ONE CAN!

[Pulls out and turns on lightsaber, then brings it down.]

Bart: NOOOOOOOOOO-!

[Time slows down, then stops.]

Bart: Huh?

[He gets up and waves his hand in front of Harvey's face. Then moves his limbs around and poses him like a statue.]

[He looks like he's doing a jumping jack split.]

Bart: Hehehe, perfect.

[The - is glowing.]

-: Hello. I have used my power to save you from peril.

Bart: You did this?

-: Yes. I can only hold time for so long, though, so hurry!

[Glow disappears.]

[Bart takes away Rose's lightsaber and puts it somewhere, then rolls Gena out of the way.]

Bart: Alright, unpause!

[Snaps fingers. Time resumes. Rose falls over. Harvey is confused.]

Gena: Thanks Bartie, now we're even.

[Kiss for health boost.]

[He chases Bob, but he's already flying away.]

Z-Man: Good riddance!

Jango Fett: Wait! He still has the -!

Bart: Don't worry about that part.

[Ship takes off and flies away, when explodes. It crashes into the base. They drop the - right into Bart's hand.]

Jango Fett: Wow, you've really mastered the Force!

Bart: Force nuttin, where do you think I ditched Rose's lightsaber?

TR: All's well that ends well.

Z-Man: It's not over yet. But for now, who cares?

[Later.]

Lovejoy: You have saved Tatooine. You are a real hero.

Bart: Thanks. Now let's go home.

[They go home.]

TR: Thank goodness we're going home.

Dengar: Because home is where the heart is?

TR: No. I just remembered I left the water running.

Dengar: Ohhhhh…

[Credits; Last of the American Girls; Murder City; Cheer up Boys (Your Makeup's Running).]


End file.
